Really, that bored.

Current clothes:

Black bra, black leggings, ratty purple Indian cotton scarf because I get sweaty, black pants, black socks, red woolly socks on top of them.

Current mood:

Tired and nauseous. Want to be more awake so I can wank or something. And write.

Current music:Nothing on at the moment. I have had Lana's latest album ( Read more... )

On revisiting Anaïs's brief obsession with June Miller, I found this book (Anaïs Nin, Fictionality and Femininity: Playing a Thousand Roles) and now I desperately want to read it entire. But this bit about the image of the femme fatale made me think of Connie again:


( Read more... )

-Finished reading Mirages and I'm SPIRITUALLY EMPTY. The next edition of Anaïs's unexpurgated diaries can't come too soon. I was so glad she finally found Rupert Pole at the end because she always becomes so miserable whenever she has some stupid shrink undermining her self-esteem (as in making her doubt and analyse fucking EVERYTHING to the point ( Read more... )

There are some people who are just so bright they resonate through history once they've left their mark. Anaïs is one of those people. Whenever I read her, I feel as if I am falling into magical thinking more. That sort of state where everything seems to have meaning and everything clicks into place and everything seems interconnected, and even ( Read more... )

-Went to the hospital *again* because the stomach pains are fucking intolerable. Got a weird Russian lady doc who sat so close to me she was touching my knees and who shoved her face into mine and that was mightily strange. But she was really sympathetic, if loopy, even though she could only renew my existing prescriptions and oh dear. Well, at ( Read more... )

-Went to the hospital on Tuesday for the ulcer. Since I wasn't barfing or crapping blood and my bloodwork was normal, they just sent me back home with more painkillers. Now groggier than ever and in too much pain to write. Fucking fuck. I know I might be able to sort the ulcer out with a bit of fasting, but I don't know if my mental health can take ( Read more... )

I feel supercharged with inspiration whenever I read Anaïs. The only things I fear are that I overload and become numb and can't appreciate the huge amount of power inherent in all her diary writing, and that I will run out, which is why I try to force myself to imbibe her in only small sips.

"We do not escape into philosophy, psychology, and art ( Read more... )

The only problem with reading Anaïs is that her best writing is in her diaries--and in turn, that makes me want to get all navel-gazey and blogtastic and rambly myself! Her self-analysis is often lucid--thankfully more lucid now that I've made it to 1942 or so and she's finally starting to realise she's been way too self-sacrificing with that ( Read more... )

-I am so conFUSED over AWF, grarehcölkxh jlxkcjlkcjlkjkh. Because it insists on it being set in Sweden and yet Barring Senior is referred to as "consul" and he lives in "Forssa" and that's in Finland and then he goes on about how his family's made its fortune on the falls on his ancestral estate and they've basically been there for centuries. Is ( Read more... )

When does real love begin ( Read more... )